Sadie Kane's Egyptian Gods
by FromBetaToAlpha
Summary: Sadie introducing the Egyptian Gods, adding her sarcasm and all. May contain inaccuracy. Please try.
1. Chapter 1

BEGINNING AND WHATEVER THE BLOODY STUFF

No one knows how the world started. I doubt the Egyptians knew. They weren't there. No one knows who gave birth to the slithery snake that hates everything from little dust to mountains. I can't really back up on this information, so some may not be true.

Anyway, many creation myths had things in common. They all rise from a soupy, gloomy black mass of water called Chaos. In those waters, there is an enormous snake, who was named Apophis or Apep, who likes to slither in the mud and pretty much enjoys every chaotic thing happening. He has all the water to himself. Vast territories of primordial waste matter definitely got Apophis happy.

One day, while Apophis was humming a happy tune while wagging his tail, maybe some occassional snake beat box, a small hot thing hit him under his mouth. "Ouch." He whimpered. He looked at the small golden thing floating in the water. It was a small golden bug. "Hey." Apophis said.

The small bug floated above the water and rose towards the sky glowing so brightly Apophis screamed a high tune. "NOOOOO! LIGHT! POISON!"

Why a snake will be afraid of poison, I don't know. Ask Carter.

"HELLO! I am Khepri! A blazing ball of fire!" The little scarab yelled.

"You're a bug." Apophis contradicted with a small frown.

"NO! I am Khepri! I am the god of... Uh... Sun! YES! Sunrise and Rebirth!" The scarab immediately decided all by himself. "And now, I shall rise above all creations!"

"As you can see, there are no creations except me and you. And the chaos waters."

"Stop saying otherwise, snake!" He said and the ground rumbled. A large mound of brown matter erupted from under Apophis, bringing the snake upwards with a high pitch scream. He fell back to the waters.

"NOOOO!" Apophis said desperately . "YOU! You're the one who destroyed everything I ever wanted! I shall eat you!" He said, lifting his head up trying to snatch the little scarab out of the black sky. Khepri dodged all of the attacks from Apophis, that lasted for hours. In no time, the scarab grew to be a hawk.

"I am Ra! The God of the Sun and Radiance!" The falcon soared and poked at Apophis' eyes. Surely Apophis was thinking, 'You were Khepri before!' But now the enemy is even bigger and stronger and could actually attack. The fight between the Ra and Apophis continued, until Ra fell to the ground, there, he became a large white goat.

"I am Khnum! The Evening Sun of Creation!" The goat said as it hit Apophis' face with it's hooves, and drove him back to the chaos waters under the ground.

"MAKE UP YOUR MIND, YOU SILLY INSECT!" Apophis yelled and sank under the waters of chaos.

Those are the three aspects of the Sun God: Khepri, The sun of early morning. Ra, the sun of noon, and Khnum, the sun of evening. Why would they have a sun in the evening, I don't know. The Ancient Egyptians were nuts. So nuts, they named a goddess, Nut. But we'll get to her later.

There's someone else who rose from the primordial chaos waters. He was Atum. He was a handsome god, first one who actually looks human. He has bronze skin and a muscular body. Supposedly, either him or Ra are the fathers of the first two gods, Shu (Not Shoe. Yeah, I asked.) and Tefnut. (There it is again! See they were nuts!)

I don't want to go to the details on how Atum gave birth to Shu and Tefnut, but all guys do it, just without swallowing. Ugh. Yuck. Eew.

Shu is the God of the Air. He's a total airhead. When Atum sneezed, the air which was from his nose, ugh, I can't even- anyway, it solidified into a man. The man was bare chested, with hair blown through the wind. He has the same bronze skin as Atem, and same humane features.

Tefnut is the God of Rain. When Atum spat his saliva, maybe after swallowing that horrid thing, Tefnut formed. She was a beautiful woman, with long black hair, and a well formed body. But sometimes, she loves to take the form of a lioness.

And I thought Ptah was the son of Pitooey.

Shu and Tefnut got together, despite being brother and sister. They filled the primeval waters with air and moisture on their wedding day. And as usual Apophis was the wedding destroyer, droven away by a hawk.

Shu and Tefnut had children. Nut and Geb. The Sky and the Earth. Maybe it was around this time that the ground solidified and the sky dome formed overhead.

Khepri/Ra/Khnum took his place in the sky as the Sun God, illuminating the darkness. Atum was took his place as the God of All Creation. Shu was a traveler. He blew wind from Nut's domain to Geb's domain. Tefnut brought rain, and a very long depressed plane got filled with Water. That was the Nile River.

There are many other versions of the Creation Myth, but this is the one I will be narrating. So, next chapter would be about the Gods of Egypt... I think.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sadie Kane, the Kane Chronicles and the Egyptian Mythology**

**A/N: Hello readers! Thank you for reading this! Percy Jackson's Greek Gods was so awesome. But the Egyptians need love as well. And seriously, If Carter would narrate, I can just copy-paste from the Wikipedia and add some dialogues. So, next chapter would be uploaded soon. Thanks for reading this and please review! It means a lot to me! Peace!**


	2. Chapter 2

THE GODS OF EGYPT

Egyptian Gods appeared like mushrooms after Shu and Tefnut. Apparently, the chaos waters have a primordial God named Nun. He was a guy. Maybe he's a crossdresser who wear nun outfits and likes to hang out in churches. First Nut, then Shoe, then now Nun? The Egyptians have to sort out their Egyptian names.

Carter says they were called that first before household objects and religous nuns.

Khepri, the divine dung beetle, rolls the sun in the sky like a ball of well...waste matter. They believed it was a giant ball of waste matter. So, it would be safe to say, we're all looking at a blazing ball of beetle dung. See? Told you they had a screw loose.

Ra, the divine hawk, turned into a man with the head of a hawk and a sun disk above his head every noon. This time the sun is a boat that can accommodate 8 gods, with Ra on the middle. Squawking and asking for cookies, anyone?

Every night, Ra sails to the Duat. That's when the sky turns dark. Some legends say Nut swallows him and gives birth to him at the day. Imagine being Nut, having to suffer giving birth every day. That like hurts. In the Duat, Ra fights with his archenemy, Apophis, who was still mad about being invaded. Maybe they trash talk in the Duat.

Khnum, the divine pooter... I mean potter, made men out of clay. These men were the ancient Egyptians.

Ma'at, the Goddess of Order in the Universe. Maybe she's a judge and also the Goddess of Order in the Court. She's a very powerful entity that keeps the world in order away from chaos.

Many of the Egyptian Gods have animals for heads. Some are even full animals. Greeks say that the Egyptian Gods were the Greek Gods in animal form. Ha. Ha. No. They were even more nuts than Egyptians. And their gods can't stay a minute without flirting with a mortal. (Carter says save for Hera, Athena, Artemis and Hestia) It's because hey have names that are_ not_ household objects.

The real reason for the Egyptian Gods to be part animal is that they symbolize the connection between mortal and nature. Though, I do prefer Anubis in human form. Have you seen the guy? Giant slobbering jackal with fangs to snap you in half? Not on top of guys I find attractive.

Anyway, We'll go in individual stories of some gods. Because if I were to have individual stories of all the gods, we would be here for eternity. There were like thousands of gods, minor and major alike.

Let's start with the big snake dude next chapter. Apophis.

**A/N: Sorry for late! Thank you for the positive reviews everyone! I love you guys! *hugs everyone individually* Anyway, next chapter would be about Apophis. There aren't many Egyptian myths, so some maybe created out of fiction. See you guys next chapter! Love you guys**


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